Elieviemama's Blog

Army wife waiting for her husband to get that tab on his arm! Hooah!

“Dress Day!” July 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — elieviemama @ 2:35 am

So, I don’t know where this stage of grief comes in… but I finished 2 dresses for Evie today!  YEAH!  I feel so proud of myself.  I don’t think she was too happy to model them for me.  She actually told me to “stop it” a few times.  But she says it “dop it” with a lil finger in the face.  I have been sewing my heart out and now I feel such accomplishment.  Not that I am any Vera Wang by any means… but hey, I did it myself and she looks darn cute in the little frocks.  We went to get fabric at the BEST place.  It’s called Clementine’s Dry Goods, located in Franklin.  I got some fabric there and that is actually what I made the bright pink dress with.  www.clementinesdrygoods.com

Evie's new dresses

Evie's new dresses

Nothing new to report other than my dress obsession.  I still haven’t heard from Brian.  It has been since last Friday!  His Uncle Dan did post some videos on his Facebook.  One of the videos was from our wedding on Hawksnest Beach in St. John.  I cried.  Then another video was of the last night Brian was in Georgia before he reported to Benning.  Cried again.  His family lives there so they all went to dinner.  So, I got to see him the night before he “went in.”  His head is all shaved and he just looks anxious.  I can’t imagine what he is going through right now.  But, all I can do is miss him, love him and attempt to hold the fort down while he is gone.  So far, I think I’m doing pretty well.

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“My Many Stages of Grieving” July 15, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — elieviemama @ 2:44 am

So, now that I have eaten myself into a comatose state, I am now moved on to stage 2 of “my” grieving.  Stage 2:  Spend Money.  I didn’t say that these stages were healthy nor productive, but for some reason… this is what happens, so hang in there.  Yesterday was the BIG purchase… the sewing machine.  I have wanted one for a while now and we have been looking at them online, stores etc.  Thinking it will be “therapeutic” to sew myself through the next few months… I made the purchase.  Being as “obsessive/compulsive” as I can be at time, I immediately made “Beeb” a dress.  I mean, I attempted to make “Beeb” a dress.  It is still in the works, but it did keep me busy for hours!  I love it!  Now, when he gets home from the mountains of Georgia and the swamps of Florida… I will be able to sew him a pretty dress.  Now, there are many levels to “Stage 2″… I made the “big” purchase, so today was little stuff; take Elijah on “date day”, lunch together, movie, goodies etc.  “Stage 2” usually last approximately 3 days, but we will see this time.  “Stage 4” is a little rough.  I become completely “domestically challenged.”  As in, I can’t put away a dish, fold a pair of underwear, cook a meal or even think about putting away laundry.  This phase can be the longest.  I’m trying really hard to fight this one.  I know I am already a bit “challenged” in this area, so when it hits this level it gets dangerous!  So, please let me know if anyone notices my kids wearing the same clothes for more than 4 days in a row and if they start to have a slight stinch about them. 
All jokes aside, I haven’t heard anything from Brian as of today.  I do think Karma is a bitch.  I’m not sure how many people know this, but the NIGHT BEFORE he left for Ranger School, I pushed Elijah’s trundle on his foot and peeled back his big toenail about halfway… blood everywhere… total mess.  Yesterday, half of my lil toenail got ripped off.  I think it is Karma’s way of saying, “Even though you didn’t mean it… you will feel his pain every day!”  I try to read online what he will be doing today.  It just isn’t like they have an “agenda” for Ranger School.  I just know whatever he is doing, it sucks. 
I did get the “daddy dolls” ordered as well as “flat daddy.”  I am sure “flat daddy” will be making many appearances on the Blog.  It is a life size (yes, life size) poster of “daddy” waist up so we can take him to functions and put him in pictures!  I have a feeling our “flat daddy” maybe making many trips out and about with us.  This could be fun!  the kids are doing well, but Elijah is still struggling.  I think the “flat daddy” will give him some entertainment.  He keeps wanting to tell Brian things, so he is going to start writing stuff for him in a book.  He got to watch a litter of pigs be born at Rae’s.  He was so excited about that.  Then, today when we had dinner with Sara and Tatum, she gave him an FBI hat and you would’ve thought he was given a million bucks!  So, with the hat plus his “fake mustache collection” he is in full out top secret mode.  Totally undercover… it’s awesome.  Evie is still carrying around her “daddy book” and we talk about him everyday… all day.  She did say “milky” yesterday, which was kinda a big deal.  I think she is a litle bully though.  She may only be 16 mths old and weigh 20 lbs., but she is a sassy lil sucker!  She wasn’t very nice to Sara’s little girl tonight and that makes me a little nervous.  So sorry Sara that my kid was such a stink and decided to smack “T” the whole time.  I’m so gonna beat her butt later (that is a joke… I haven’t got to “stop laughing” phase yet.) 

Now for the wrap up… I just can’t believe I haven’t talked to him since Friday.  When he was in Basic I went months without talking to him.  But it was so different them.  I had to “make” myself hate him before he left therefore it was easier for me when he was gone.  I didn’t depend on him them like I do now.  I just want him to make me laugh, because he is so good at that.  I want to be able to tell him that Evie was a spicy lil thing today and hear him chuckle at the stories about her.  I want to hear him playing Mario Cart on the Wii with Elijah… saying “you cheated… no YOU cheated!!”  I just keep saying to myself, I love him, I miss him and I am so proud of him.  He amazes me everyday and I admire him so much.

 

Let’s Hope This Works! July 12, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — elieviemama @ 2:20 pm

Well… as I’m going through my many stages of grief and loss… including eating horrible stick to my thighs fast food, not sleeping at night due to the extra 8 yr old and 60 lb dog in my bed and realizing this is for the next 3 months… I am thinking… how can I let my husband know the “daily happenings” of the household?  So, I thought I would give blogging a try.  Now, when he gets home, he can just log on and check out the past few months… hopefully… If I know how to do this correctly.  He just left Thursday morning for Ft. Benning, GA.  He reported to Ranger School on Friday, July 10th.  I talked to my mother-in-law yesterday and she said it was a “rough day.”  He forgot a flashlight that was on his packing list, they couldn’t figure out where he was to report to, he couldn’t find his military ID… then after 2 hours… he dressed into his ACUs in the car and ran out of the car!  Joyce (mom in law) said he was a nervous wreck!  But… he made it!  She said, they were yelling at all of the guys when they were reporting in!  She said she almost cried it was pretty intense.  So glad I wasn’t there!  I did get to talk to him, one last time, Friday at about noon.  I could tell he was anxious, but he was excited too.  He is one of the most amazing men I know.  He has so much drive and integrity.  He is so passionate about the things he loves.  I have no doubt he will do AWESOME!  So, here is the drill… he has 3 phases in Ranger School.  there is a 2 week Pre-Ranger Phase at Ft Benning.  If I understand all of this correctly, this is just where they put them through hell to see if they can hack the real deal.  After that, they head to the Mountain Phase.  That is where he does all of the “mountaining” things (I have no idea what he does there.)  If that phase goes well, he is off to the Florida Phase.  I just know he sloshes through the swamps in this phase.  Daily training averages 20 hours, two or fewer meals, and 3-4 hours of sleep. It’s typical for a person to lose 30 pounds. There is an 80% chance he will recycle (start over) at least one phase.  I’m a nervous wreck for him!  If all goes according to plan, he will graduate on Friday, September 25th!  Only, here is the fun part, we won’t find out until about 5 days before the graduation!  Sweet… with 2 kids and 2 dogs to get situated. 

So, now that I have explained the “whys” of the blogging… I just want there to be something Brian can read (if he can hold his head up) when he gets back.  I don’t think it has really hit me yet… that he is gone and we can’t talk to him.  Thursday night was hard.  Elijah really struggled and cried a lot.  He told me I wasn’t allowed to “say Daddy’s name or even say thing’s they do together” because it was upsetting him.  He tried to play Mario Cart, cried… tried to watch movie, cried… he just had a rough night.  He has had a few “episodes” since, but once we get the “daddy dolls” and the “flat daddy” I think that will help.  Evie has a photo album she has been carrying around.  She says, “Dada” as she looks at the pictures.  We try to talk about Daddy as much as possible.  I think it will hit me more as the days go on.  I realized Friday, when I made the coffee, that this was the real deal.  He’s gone… he usually makes me coffee in the mornings.  Then when there was only one towel hanging in the bathroom… only one toothbrush… No one to talk to before I fell asleep (Bohdi doesn’t count)… it’s just going to be hard.  Elijah came into to me last night (at about midnight) and said, “Can I call Daddy and tell him something?”  When I had to say, “We can’t call him buddy” it was a shot to the heart.  I’ve never allowed myself to depend on someone so much before, nor have I admitted that I did.  This is a huge step for me, for us… it is huge for me to miss him… miss talking to him… miss him coming home from work… miss laughing with him.  It is a very vulnerable feeling.  But, almost a good feeling to know that he is my best friend and I need him everyday!  So, I can’t decide if I should write this blog as if I was writing to him… or just write in general.  Thoughts???