Well… as I’m going through my many stages of grief and loss… including eating horrible stick to my thighs fast food, not sleeping at night due to the extra 8 yr old and 60 lb dog in my bed and realizing this is for the next 3 months… I am thinking… how can I let my husband know the “daily happenings” of the household? So, I thought I would give blogging a try. Now, when he gets home, he can just log on and check out the past few months… hopefully… If I know how to do this correctly. He just left Thursday morning for Ft. Benning, GA. He reported to Ranger School on Friday, July 10th. I talked to my mother-in-law yesterday and she said it was a “rough day.” He forgot a flashlight that was on his packing list, they couldn’t figure out where he was to report to, he couldn’t find his military ID… then after 2 hours… he dressed into his ACUs in the car and ran out of the car! Joyce (mom in law) said he was a nervous wreck! But… he made it! She said, they were yelling at all of the guys when they were reporting in! She said she almost cried it was pretty intense. So glad I wasn’t there! I did get to talk to him, one last time, Friday at about noon. I could tell he was anxious, but he was excited too. He is one of the most amazing men I know. He has so much drive and integrity. He is so passionate about the things he loves. I have no doubt he will do AWESOME! So, here is the drill… he has 3 phases in Ranger School. there is a 2 week Pre-Ranger Phase at Ft Benning. If I understand all of this correctly, this is just where they put them through hell to see if they can hack the real deal. After that, they head to the Mountain Phase. That is where he does all of the “mountaining” things (I have no idea what he does there.) If that phase goes well, he is off to the Florida Phase. I just know he sloshes through the swamps in this phase. Daily training averages 20 hours, two or fewer meals, and 3-4 hours of sleep. It’s typical for a person to lose 30 pounds. There is an 80% chance he will recycle (start over) at least one phase. I’m a nervous wreck for him! If all goes according to plan, he will graduate on Friday, September 25th! Only, here is the fun part, we won’t find out until about 5 days before the graduation! Sweet… with 2 kids and 2 dogs to get situated.
So, now that I have explained the “whys” of the blogging… I just want there to be something Brian can read (if he can hold his head up) when he gets back. I don’t think it has really hit me yet… that he is gone and we can’t talk to him. Thursday night was hard. Elijah really struggled and cried a lot. He told me I wasn’t allowed to “say Daddy’s name or even say thing’s they do together” because it was upsetting him. He tried to play Mario Cart, cried… tried to watch movie, cried… he just had a rough night. He has had a few “episodes” since, but once we get the “daddy dolls” and the “flat daddy” I think that will help. Evie has a photo album she has been carrying around. She says, “Dada” as she looks at the pictures. We try to talk about Daddy as much as possible. I think it will hit me more as the days go on. I realized Friday, when I made the coffee, that this was the real deal. He’s gone… he usually makes me coffee in the mornings. Then when there was only one towel hanging in the bathroom… only one toothbrush… No one to talk to before I fell asleep (Bohdi doesn’t count)… it’s just going to be hard. Elijah came into to me last night (at about midnight) and said, “Can I call Daddy and tell him something?” When I had to say, “We can’t call him buddy” it was a shot to the heart. I’ve never allowed myself to depend on someone so much before, nor have I admitted that I did. This is a huge step for me, for us… it is huge for me to miss him… miss talking to him… miss him coming home from work… miss laughing with him. It is a very vulnerable feeling. But, almost a good feeling to know that he is my best friend and I need him everyday! So, I can’t decide if I should write this blog as if I was writing to him… or just write in general. Thoughts???
Elieviemama's Blog 